Kids need to hear the straight goods regarding their behaviour, for without parents honest feedback they will continue to develop limiting thoughts and habits. If we are honest without being harsh, if we can share observations in a respectful and compassionate way, children will more likely take the time to truly look at themselves. Without a strong intention for self development, and in the absence of loving mentors, children will still learn, but at a much slower rate. Life’s lessons will tend to be more confusing and more painful. Children can better muster the courage it takes to be vulnerable and open to honest feedback from others when they have a foundation of acceptance and love from their caregivers. Children who learn to value transparent coaching will grow in maturity beyond their years.

From screen doors to tinted windows, filters are plenty helpful. On the other hand, conscious or unconscious mental filters might need replacing. Mental filters that only recognize information or experiences that are familiar or convenient and which disregard the unknown are problematic, limiting our personal growth.

People can become victims of crimes, diseases, or of bullish behaviour, yet they do have to act like a victim. Taking on the victim role is rooted in the belief that solutions lie outside of ourselves. In the case of a bullied person, the victim often feels the problem is only solved when the bully changes or is taken to task. However, if bullies suddenly changed their mean ways, we would not be presented with opportunities to become stronger. Because of bullies and adversities, we can learn to be assertive, resilient, confident, and trusting in our self worth. Aggressors rarely disappear at the first hint of disapproval, especially when we play the victim role.

Someone shared with me, that if you want to be helpful, be interested rather than trying to be interesting. Instead of impressing people, be present with them. When we want to reach out to see if someone needs a lift or a save, loose the charm and lead from your heart. Instantly, our contact becomes real, not predictable and superficial. Depending on the recipient, meaningful connections will either repel some or be a refreshing and welcomed alternative. Polite small talk has it’s place, however, be aware of signals that indicate a greater need.

True confidence is not a result of being recognized or valued by others. Being acknowledged for who you are or admired by others is wonderful, yet it is not a source of viable confidence. When we are secure enough to allow others to see our authentic selves, the good with the bad, then true confidence is ours.

Although rules are necessary, they need to be adaptive to our changing situations. Children eventually learn that rules are often modified or ignored. However, for young children rules keep them safe. Don’t touch the stove, don’t talk to strangers, always look twice before crossing the street. Having rules that provide the less experienced a chance to gain experience without dying first, is not a bad thing. So why are rules destined to be broken? Rules are generally simple, like an on - off switch. Yet, most of life’s choices exist somewhere between completely on and completely off.

Rules, guidelines, loving discipline, and role modelling of exemplary behaviour, is crucial to children’s development. Parents can easily sabotage this process by having double standards. This double standard is achieved by having a narrow set of expectations for our children, and an emotionally justified and much widder set of rules for ourselves.

Most children, adults too, will test boundaries set by parents, or other authorities. We defy rules for many reasons. Establishing independence by resisting outside influences, conforming to peer pressure for social gains, and the all-powerful desire to learn through our own personal experiences. For some of us, assenting to untested rules imposed by others, simply goes against our grain. Children stray beyond their parent’s rules to test if the previous generations restrictions truly apply to them.

Movement is magic for kids’ brains and their emotional state. When children are stationary for too long, their body chemistry diminishes their ability to regulate themselves. Unregulated leads to an increase in kids stress behaviours. Stress behaviour is different from misbehaviour. Misbehaviours are more intentional, agenda driven, and self serving. Stress behaviours on the other hand, are reactions to being tired, nutritionally drained, and in general, the child is over stimulated.

Living a meaningful life is synonymous with being content, although creating meaning in our lives is not always easy. The rewards are in the challenges and their necessary lessons. Perhaps our happiness is predicated on stretching our comfort zone, with learning, and making a difference in the world. At the center of meaningful goals is the relationship that we have with ourselves.

Learning to focus on our one true self sets a crystal-clear path for personal growth, allowing others to meaningfully connect with us and support our life goals. Development of our one true self is made easier when we understand the duo of the inner and outer self. The inner self represents our beliefs, values, and authentic voice, while the outer self is what we show the world in order to gain acceptance.

When a person’s movements flow like water, they are said to be graceful. When a person’s heart and mind collaborate in time, they are infused with grace. Those in a state of grace are often absent of fear. Even while accepting a perilous reality, they are emotionally unaffected by it. In moments of grace, we are clear of unrelated thoughts, the mind is completely absorbed in its current reality.

Today’s parents have new challenges. Previous generations were kept busy feeding, clothing, and educating their kids, while even earlier generations of parents were preoccupied with just keeping their children alive. Parenting challenges that exist today, like learning disabilities, gender identity, ADHD, autism spectrum, along with heightened anxiety and depression, either didn’t exist in the past, or we were unaware of them.

Recently I experienced a very peaceful dream where everyone on the planet checked in with themselves before making decisions. In the dream, choices, even the insignificant ones, were put through a quick screening process. People insisted on making choices that were aligned with their life aspirations of honouring truth, wisdom, and love.

Stirring the pot often reveals unpopular opinions that people do not want to hear. It dredges up stuff, like uncomfortable truths, which many of us wish to ignore. Unpleasant as it is, stirring the pot becomes a necessary evil. Alternatively, we can view pot stirring as an essential to our growth.

Can we love people who are not loving in return? Do hurtful people, lacking in respect and decency, deserve kindness? Is there a way to be truthful and kind to those who are not thoughtful or principled? Loving the lovable is easy, especially if we are feeling good. Being respectful, kind, and inspiring to people we approve of is rewarding. However, showing patience and compassion to those who are undeserving can be challenging.

As my principal Jim Toews use to say, “There are no problems, only creative opportunities.” Opportunities are often disguised as tough problems. Some problems overwhelm us, and we find it difficult to believe that on the other side of tough, is a silver lining. Belief is critical.

…When we practice being present to each moment, mindful of how we are interacting in life’s journey, winning, and losing will dissolve. The choices we make and how it impacts our experience cannot be defined by winning or losing…

So many times in life I was certain my goals were out of reach. Perhaps they were beyond me at that time because I couldn’t see them happening. I didn’t believe in the possibility. I didn’t feel the necessary resources were ever going to come available. I was also spending more time thinking why it wasn’t going to happen, than thinking about how it could.

Children do not want to be obsessed with needing peer approval, but most are. If they understand that rejection is a reality of life, then the illusion of needing the approval of others is easier to debunk. Children certainly cannot make their friends happy or win their admiration and respect all the time. Children navigate socially with greater confidence when they accept this reality.

To feel good. Think good. Choose good. Do good. Repeat!  A simple and respected recipe, yet simple is not always easy. After all, if it’s easy, it’s not worth doing. These and other antidotes echo in my mind, as gifts from my parents. Eat only when hungry, never doubt, think positively, follow your heart. Even though simplicity is implied, applying, such treasured guidance usually takes dedicated thought and practice.

Reactions to an outpouring of anger are many, from attempts at appeasement, to defiantly matching the other persons fury. Both of these strategies usually prolong or escalate the anger that we wish to prevent.

… Acknowledging our fears allows us to identify decisions that are unwise, and to notice choices that come from irrational fears of failure. Luckily, we often get to learn from our poor choices and then chose again with greater wisdom.